Starting over can be one of the hardest things to do. When I decided to take the plunge into entrepreneurship 5 years ago, the decision wasn’t one that I made because I desired to work for myself. I wish I had been that proactive. The truth is the decision was made out of pure desperation. The strain of being a single parent was weighing on me heavily. I was working long hours and barely had any time to spend with my daughter. For this very reason I decided to walk away from my job. I knew the only way I could begin to better my relationship with my daughter was by investing more time with her. Since Corporate America wasn’t working with me & my lifestyle, I walked away from it and jumped head first into multi-level marketing and affiliate marketing. After bumping my head quite a bit and failing miserably at business, things finally began to come together. I’d decided to focus on internet based strategies to grow my business. I knew that it was all a numbers game. I knew that I had to reach more people if I truly wanted success. It was obvious the internet was the best way to do this. After spending hours upon hours studying, exhausting my savings & maxing out all of my credit cards, I was finally earning money. Unfortunately, just as I began to feel good about my progress, it was over.
I began to feel that my new career change was a huge drag. I simply didn’t feel good about it anymore. It was all so strange. Just a short time ago, you couldn’t tell me nothing. In my mind, starting a home based business had saved my life. It had restored my relationship with my daughter and I also had the ability to work when I desired. So why was I feeling this way? How could I have such an extreme displeasure for the industry that I had grown to love? How did it get to this point? Just as fast as the questions ran through my head, so did the answers. Looking back at my situation, I now realize that in a crazy way, during the process of obtaining my new found freedom, I began to enslave myself in a totally different way. Allow me to explain.
Although I was an “entrepreneur” and had learned all this great geek shit to earn money, I was bored as hell. I was also starting to peep the game that the industry was dishing out. I had heard the talks of stolen commissions and down-lines in the past but to be honest, I didn’t pay it too much attention until it began to affect me. I felt betrayed. I’ll also admit I was royally pissed. How could this be happening to me? The more I thought about it, the more I got pissed. I had given this industry all of me and it had done “The Ultimate.” Naturally I took a step back to analyze the situation. In a weird sort of way this so called “Entrepreneurship” felt a little bit like Corporate America.
I noticed many of my colleagues floating from company to company, only to find themselves running into a brick wall. I myself did the exact same things. Whether the companies we were advertising went out of business, or whether the relationships ended due to “missing commissions, or some other foolishness, there seemed to be a running trend in the industry across the board. There was always someone else pulling the strings and ready to screw you at any given second. (Intentionally as well as Unintentionally) Although I made my own hours and there wasn’t anyone breathing down my back about whether I chose to work or not…. There were still other issues that couldn’t be ignored. It was time for me to tweak the way I was doing things.The first thing I noticed was that everything felt almost robotic, and I wasn’t having fun anymore. When I initially came online I was hungry and approached each day with excitement and enthusiasm. Nothing felt the same. I had lost the confidence I once had, somewhere along the way.
I once heard someone say, Sometimes the worse thing that can happen to you is a little bit of success.
I’m assuming that’s what happened to me because, once I obtained the freedom I thought I was seeking, I somehow found myself in a different type of bondage. I began to question everything. I felt I could no longer trust anyone. I no longer approached things with the same eagerness I once did. The longer I sat quietly doing nothing, The clearer things became. The truth is, affiliate marketing & multilevel marketing happen to be great industries to earn a living. (Just as any other industry I’m sure.) My problem was that I knew that I should have been putting forth more effort towards my own projects, instead of pushing projects that had more holes than my own. The same exact feeling I used to have for Corporate America began to consume me. After 5 years of studying online marketing, I knew that I had developed a love for it. After all, I had already dropped out of college on more than one occasion. (Almost everything under the sun. Nursing, dental hygiene, business finance……) So the very fact that I’ve stuck with internet marketing 5 years strong, stood for something.
Just as I thought I had it all figured out, The unexpected happened. I discovered I had to undergo surgery which caused another major hiccup. How could this be? Once I finally figured out my next move…. I discover I have health issues? This had to be some sort of sick joke. I had always been healthy. I also played sports in school. How could this be happening to me? There were so many things I haven’t had the chance to do. I’ll admit, it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew however, there was no time to throw a pity party, and there was no time to panic. I realized… just like that! It could all be over. I knew this was the perfect time to experience my life.
God has a sense of humor. It’s amazing how quickly your perspective changes when the unexpected happens.
I knew if I had the opportunity to wake from surgery, I would get out of my own way. So here I am Starting Over once again. After almost a year of healing both physically and mentally, I’m excited to see where this journey leads. I’m looking forward to reconnecting with old friends, as well as embarking on a journey filled with new relationships. I appreciate the time you’ve invested out of your day to read my blog and I look forward to connecting or reconnecting with you.